Its Christmas eve, the time of happiness, joy and wanton madness. Madness in the rush of people buying gifts and joys for the ones they love. Always happy.
Yet...
I don't understand, I'm not alone yet I feel sad. Sad and lonely to the point that emptiness that it is eating my insides. It feels like an untreated ulceration on the verge of becoming a complete hole inside my body. I never really fully understood this source of sadness or loneliness that I feel. Sometimes I think it is just depression, though now I think it has deeper roots that I often or most of the time forget to address. And like most of the times, like adults, I try to wash this away with work or alcohol, though deep inside me it isn't the right answer to these/this problems.
Now I stand at a crux that forces me to close things that I find unnecessary. I know I should have closed this door last semestral break but something made me curious and I decided to let it remain open. Yet, after those efforts I was used or let myself be used. NOW since there are no more distractions, I'll be closing this door and I'll drown myself with work and madness to reach my goal. Maybe it is the time to quit fooling around too, to put all my effort to my dreams since none is willing to share their or share with my dream. I think it is time to close the door and keep it locked until somebody who has the key will open it. Yet I ask myself again, is there anyone, somebody that holds the key?
The past builds us and our perception of these events lead us to what we are. The present then adds to what we are and the future is what we try to prepare for. I often ask myself what is the cause of my troubles. Is it my past? My perception of the present which doesn't coincide with the populace? Or my preparation for the future that I perceive? Yet whatever it is it leaves me in melancholy, alone and desolate. I have friends yet I don't know why I can't relate this feeling to them. I really feel that I should walk alone again in the darkness...
Yet...
I don't understand, I'm not alone yet I feel sad. Sad and lonely to the point that emptiness that it is eating my insides. It feels like an untreated ulceration on the verge of becoming a complete hole inside my body. I never really fully understood this source of sadness or loneliness that I feel. Sometimes I think it is just depression, though now I think it has deeper roots that I often or most of the time forget to address. And like most of the times, like adults, I try to wash this away with work or alcohol, though deep inside me it isn't the right answer to these/this problems.
Now I stand at a crux that forces me to close things that I find unnecessary. I know I should have closed this door last semestral break but something made me curious and I decided to let it remain open. Yet, after those efforts I was used or let myself be used. NOW since there are no more distractions, I'll be closing this door and I'll drown myself with work and madness to reach my goal. Maybe it is the time to quit fooling around too, to put all my effort to my dreams since none is willing to share their or share with my dream. I think it is time to close the door and keep it locked until somebody who has the key will open it. Yet I ask myself again, is there anyone, somebody that holds the key?
The past builds us and our perception of these events lead us to what we are. The present then adds to what we are and the future is what we try to prepare for. I often ask myself what is the cause of my troubles. Is it my past? My perception of the present which doesn't coincide with the populace? Or my preparation for the future that I perceive? Yet whatever it is it leaves me in melancholy, alone and desolate. I have friends yet I don't know why I can't relate this feeling to them. I really feel that I should walk alone again in the darkness...
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